Fraudulent activities
imperfect faith: I'm not perfect and it bothers me
Imperfection looms over my head like a broken hallow. My faith is unbaiting and patchy all the same and it bothers me. It makes reality more real and the chasm of a need for God more deep.
For as long as I can remember I have worked to keep a clean slate. Perfectionism that trickles into every facet of your life ultimately damaging how you do life.
In my walk with God was where it seemed the most contentious to stray away from perfection
I knew he called for reckless abandon but I was not able to wrap my mind around letting go of control. Every call from God to rely on him felt like a test I had to pass
The status of a slave: so how can I obtain rest?
As I recognize that I’m incapable of sustaining this walk by holding it up in my hands I am giving it to him. I still feel writhing within myself at times the urge to gather all that I’ve left at the foot of the cross and carry it.
short story interlude:
this month alone I’ve had multiple friends tell me how they can’t wrap their heads around my imperfection and i realized that i was doing a good job of hiding it but all to my detriment.
I was walking with my friend and I said ‘yesterday God revealed to me something I was doing wrong and I didn’t know what to do’
She looked at me and said,
‘ I can’t even imagine you doing something wrong’
I remember saying to her
‘ the problem is you think I’m perfect ‘
Cultural structures perpetuate the idea of cleanliness
Messiness can’t be a part of this experience
Absolute fallacy.
I do not know what’s next, all I know is he has called me to rest, redemption and realignment and I’m realizing that this is a universal call to all his children,
and the veracity of my need for him trumps any control that I can ever try to maintain. Honesty to myself would be portraying him, not a untrue hallow washed version of the truth.
I know in the end I will be a testament that God truly does rewrite our stories. Imperfect faith is perfected at the state of surrender.
There is still hope yet. ( Isiah 43:10 )
God proclaims himself as the only savior. That means our efforts will fail when they aren’t rooted in him.
is this a bit much for the middle of the week?
-with all the love in my heart
tshego ♡